RELATIONSHIPS

HAVING HARD CONVERSATIONS BEFORE YOU ENTER A NEW RELATIONSHIP.

  1. Learn from past mistakes.
  2. We want something serious and something that is going to last longer.
  3. List of Hard conversation topics.

Learn from past mistakes.

When I decided I was ready to move into the dating world, I promised myself to learn from all the heartbreak I went through before, to learn from past mistakes.

After walking away from a seven-year relationship, I came out with many lessons, some of which you can find in one of my latest blog posts.

After reading and self-reflection, I realized that you should not waste time; you must have hard conversations upfront before deciding to be in a serious relationship.

What are HARD conversations, you might ask?

Well, it all begins with knowing what you want from a partnership and what values, morals and boundaries you have.

Nothing everything is ever going to be perfect, but you have to have an idea of what you are not willing to F*ck with.

One of the most complex parts of having HARD conversations is listening skills. The ability to listen without judgment and take what the other person is saying as truth and not “oh, I can change that.”

We want something serious and something that is going to last longer.

When you meet someone new for the first time, you have a honeymoon phase where hormones are high, the chemistry is banging, and you might even be hypnotized but all the lust. Yes, it is possible to overlook all your goals and morals in this phase, but we are not here for a fly-by-night relationship. We want something serious and something that is going to last longer.

Many of us, myself included, have gotten into relationships and have yet to have meaningful conversations with the person we are interested in.

Before you agree to the relationship, you need to figure out where both of you stand on a subject that can make or break the partnership.

I should also note that if you have a desire or goal in you, a way you want your life to be. What you want is not going to change no matter how cute he is or if he looks good on paper; it won’t mean a dam thing if he is not aligned with the things that truly matter to you.

List of Hard conversation topics.

Such HARD conversations include.

How do you want to handle disagreements or conflict

Do you believe in GOD

Do you want kids

Marriage (If this is what you want, make it known, and also, where does the person stand in terms of monogamy)

  • Love Language
  • Political Views
  • Religion (are you willing to convert, do you belive in GOD, can you be with someone of a different faith)
  • Finances (are you in debt, how are your spending habits)
  • Family (do you want kids, can you have kids, do you want to be a step-parent, can you handle my crazy, yet loving family)
  • Location (are you willing to relocate)
  • Morals
  • Boundaries
  • Ex’s (should you keep in contact with them)

The list of Hard conversation topics for you might look different than mine.

My Ex and I never had hard conversations, half the time, I avoided them as I was too afraid of upsetting him, and he avoided them as well, and I would assume it was also for the same reasons as mine.

We get so scared of offending someone with our truth that we lie to ourselves, then agree to things we don’t want to, only to end up unsatisfied.

You have to remember you are looking for a life partner, someone to grow old with, someone to go through hard times with, someone to go through life with.

Life is not about all the good moments but the hard ones. If you can’t have a difficult conversation initially, what will it be like down the road when things get bad? How will you communicate with your partner, then?

These types of conversations our hard to have because we don’t know what to expect the other person to say; we might not want to upset the other person with our replies or follow-up questions. This is where listening skills and letting go of judgment come in.

What are three things you are not willing to compromise regarding a relationship?

I am not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. My services/advice do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.

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