Going through a breakup is hard, but what about all the first holidays you have to do alone?
Last year I wrote on the blog about how to get over the holidays solo; while I still have some excellent points in that blog, I would like to redo my list with a flare as I go through the Holidays Solo myself.
This will be my last Christmas in Trinidad, and I dread every minute of it. I want snow, mom’s stuffing and seeing my son around all his cousins like we used to do.
Before I let my Holiday blues get the best of me, I came up with a list of “not to do.”
I intend to survive the holidays without sabotaging my dignity.
I’ll try to keep it classy with this list, but you know me, sometimes I have “no filter.”
If you haven’t already cut off your contact with Mr. Ex, I suggest getting your act together and cutting that shit off now. There is no need to have contact with an Ex unless you guys have kids together, and even then, references should be minimal and only about the kids.
I don’t know any other way to say this, but “Fuck your feelings right now,” yes it’s harsh but listen to me, to get out of this shit show of the Holiday season with some dignity and a smile on your face, you need a boot camp approach.
What if he texted or called me to wish me “Merry Christmas”?
Oh, how nice of him to do that. NOT.
You are done with that text and will survive this holiday alone—NO texting or calling Mr. Ex.
Let me explain from experience here. The Christmas Holidays can bring up many emotions, making us feel very lonely while we assume the rest of the world is in love and enjoying the F*ck out of life.
It can be easy to go into a mental loop of desperation and reach out to Mr.Ex.
Let me tell you something else from experience. If you reach out to Mr.Ex, you will feel ten times worse than you already do.
No contact means NO CONTACT.
He’s an Ex for a reason.
NO BOOTY CALLS
Let’s face it; loneliness can bring on the craving for connection. Sometimes you can become so desperate that you will engage in connection in any form, even if it’s in the form of casual sex.
Hey, I am not judging here!
Trust me, I have been in situations when I have felt the feelings and wanted to reach out because sex is easy to get, but when I think about the long-term damage, it will do to my soul and body. I find something to do to get my mind off that part of me that is either horny or lonely.
Here are some things to get your mind off that “Horney Lonely Feeling.”
- Do a puzzle while listening to an audiobook
- Eat chocolate
- Run around your house five times
- Call a friend
Whatever you do this holiday season, do not call your ex for sex.
I cannot stress enough that if you are going through a breakup, this is your first Christmas alone without family or friends. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL.
Gosh, am I so glad I made all these mistakes so you don’t have to?
Let me tell you; you will regret the drunken night, the booty calls you made when you had a few too many, and the hangover will hurt way more than your loneliness.
When we feel lonely and need a connection, alcohol is our worst enemy.
Alcohol was my worst enemy during my break-up last year. We reach for it thinking it will stop the pain, but it makes us feel more like shit.
You don’t need alcohol to get through this holiday; you don’t need to get drunk on a substance that is made to make you feel sick.
If you must refrain from drinking, this holiday season is challenging.
It’s easy to get caught up with who has who around them for the Holiday Season; every dam Christmas movie out there ends with some fairy tale romance.
It can be a downer when you are alone for the Christmas Season.
I embrace everything I think I am missing; if I want romance, I give it to myself. I call a sister or a friend if I miss feeling connected.
I no longer have room to give in to self-pity or judge myself for not being or having what I want at this point in my life.
Life is way too short and valuable to waste it, missing an asshole, wishing I was somewhere else, hoping I was a size two or vexed because I have not reached a multi-millionaire status as yet.
One day I will have what I want, or maybe a fraction of it, and I would hate to be in a state of mine that I forget to appreciate where I am.
If I don’t practice loving myself for where I am now, how on earth do I expect to enjoy what I have coming my way?
So, I am a size 12, so what, I am single at 39, and so what, I haven’t gotten the million-dollar idea yet., SO WHAT!
I want to tell you to have faith, and next year might be different, that I will be married, and so will you, but it doesn’t always work that way.
I didn’t think I was going to be 39 and spending the holidays alone, but I also didn’t expect myself to stay in a toxic relationship.
Life is full of chaos and filled with pain, and joy. Life is not meant to be easy by any means.
There is no way we can even experience joy without pain.
Be kind to yourself if you are going through this season alone.
Reach out to a friend or family member if the feelings of depression get too bad.