This post was inspired By Lori Gottlieb Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.

I thought about my thirties the other day and the years that went by to only end up single again.

My last relationship lasted seven years too long. I learned much about myself and what I can contribute and need out of a relationship moving forward.

I also might have a list.

Okay, before you roll your eyes at my list, I have a list of the things that truly matter to me. Not the sort of superficial list, like “I need a man that makes six figures, and he has to be 6’3”.

My list has my values and the things that matter, like a partner who won’t run when we fight, someone who doesn’t drink, someone secure with themselves and a man that believes in GOD.

When you compromise on the big things, you will sell yourself short and resent the person you agreed to be in a relationship with.

Trust me, I know; I did it.

I am ready to get out there again but seeing that I have not dated in almost a decade, I am still trying to figure out where I should start.

Before I decided to try dating again, I had to come clean with what I was looking for in a partner. I am no longer available to waste my time or anyone else’s.

I want marriage, a life partner, and someone to share life with. I understand that, given my age, my options are also minimal compared to women in their 20s and 30s.

I had some harsh truths I had to accept before I started dating or trying to find “Mr. Good Enough.”

ONLINE

 

There is no doubt that we are indeed in a digital age, and the way most people meet today is through online dating apps.

If I had it my way, I would meet someone organically, like through a friend, at a class, or a coffee shop, just not online—anything but online.

I am figuring out what to do about online dating.

If you have any tips, let me know.

In the meantime, I’ll type up a profile and maybe join Match.com by the end of the week.

LOWER YOUR STANDARDS

In a perfect world, I would have been married already to the man of my dreams; I would be living my fabulous life with my son and my ever-so-perfect family.

Before I decided to be open to the idea of dating, of course, I had to read a few books on singlehood and dating.

Let me tell you, doing my research left me feeling hopeless.

We live in a world where we are judged by the money we have, the people we know, our past and most of all, our looks.

My research discovered that women over 35 need to lower their standards. By that, I mean that long superficial list we carry around in our heads and write men off because they don’t check all the boxes.

We, women, make it too hard on ourselves trying to chase some “butterflies” that are just fairy tales that never do happen. We women, the single, divorced ones, are pretty much destined to be unhappily single if we don’t ditch the fantasy of finding Mr. Right. At some point, we will have to settle with Mr. Good Enough.

Either Settle or die alone.

After the age of 40, your pretty much F*cked when it comes to dating and finding marriage.

Men don’t want baggage if they are older, and the younger guys don’t want it either.

And by baggage, I mean our kids, the dog, the debt, the childhood trauma etc.

I reflected over the weekend on what I wanted in a relationship, what I lacked so much in the one I walked away from, the one that left me spiritually bruised.

I cut my list in half; then, I came clean with not being the most sought-after bachelorette.

SAY “YES”

After seven years of not going anywhere, no date nights and no socializing. I had much fear that came up with me going out with anyone.

But

I said “yes” to the Movies.

Movies are safe, and you do not need to stare awkwardly at anyone or try to find things to discuss.  Movies are a perfect first date for an introvert like me.

While I am curious to know if the man that took me out has friends-zoned me or is interested in me, I had the best movie night, and I needed that night out. It was a great start to my dating journey.

There is still so much to learn about the dating world that I need to know.

The first step into getting out there is saying “yes”to invitations.

I recently said “yes” to a Christmas Party I will attend alone. I am using these opportunities to gain confidence and improve my in-person social skills.

I have also been saying “yes” to many things that require me to enjoy them independently.

Single or coupled, I have to have my own life with things and activities I enjoy.

If anyone is considering dating again and has been out of it for years, join classes or workshops you like.

Do not join groups or social events with the sole intention of meeting “Mr. Good ENOUGH”; if you do that, you will be disappointed when you don’t meet him.

THE DATING WORLD IS F*CKED

I have spent countless hours and money researching the dating world.

It takes money to be an active member of the dating world, and for women these days, the price tag for a date can be very costly.

Men don’t want to pay for everything on a first date, and I don’t think they should. I think first dates should be simple enough that a man can afford them since women expect men to take the tab on the first date.

Since men and women do not waste their time on useless dates and money, maybe having conversations over the phone might be a better option to rule out if you even want to go on a first date.

I could be wrong about all this; it’s only been about a month since I decided to try dating. 

What is the best dating advice you were given?