Drum roll please ……. “160lbs.”
I stalled big time when it came to weighing myself.
I didn’t feel like it or made up a shit ton of excuses.
Seeing 160lbs show up on the scale after months of not weighing was a bit of a turn-off.
I’ll admit I weighed myself with clothes on in a rush to get out the door and on my way to my first cardio Kickboxing class.
149-152 were my up-and-down weights for a good three years until I went up in weight. Prior to sustaining my 149-152 lbs I was a heavy, unhealthy 200lbs.
I was 149lbs before Covid.
I went into a months-long feast of bingeing on the weekends and starving myself to gain some control months after.
Bingeing on both food and alcohol is something that messed up my body and mind.
Anyways, I was not taking the 160lb reading after three months of being absent from the scale.
I got on the scale again this morning naked.
I saw the 159lbs. (I can breathe now)
It turns out I am still working on a dieter’s brain, that I am still in the diet culture to be upset by numbers on the scale even though my mood is excellent, I am laughing more, I am happy with myself and life, I have even been more daring with trying new things.
My mood changed with the 159lbs, it felt like I was getting somewhere, even through three months ago I was 166lbs.
It will always be a struggle to undo the Diet Culture I am conditioned to.
I spent 39 years not liking my body.
I don’t expect body acceptance to come overnight. It will take time for me to understand that the number on the scale is just a F*cking number; it for sure doesn’t define anything about me, but it can help me improve when it comes to my weight loss journey.