BREAK-UPS · MidLife Madness


Photo by cottonbro on

This is not the first time I have been here, wanting to hide in my apartment, not wanting to answer my calls and say, “babe, I am so sorry, I just don’t know how to love your daughter.”

My relationship is slowly dying; for one, it’s going on seven years, and I am no closer to being a wife or mother than I was seven years ago.

He lacks, I don’t know, being a man, or maybe he’s not into me. At this point, I feel like shit for the length of time I have wasted away, to end up fucking 40 and alone….STUUUEEEPPPPSSS.

I think I wrote a post about this, knowing full well that he will move on easy and get married, that I will refuse to be his friend. Read Post LET HIM GO


It’s funny how things happen; yes, even “BAD” things happen for a reason.

I noticed over some time now that he would only ask me to go to the movies or dinner when she visits Trinidad.

I am invited to only certain events as his family does not always welcome me.

I noticed this for a while but was desperate and took any outing I could.

I asked him a few times if we could go to the movies, and he said sure but showed no interest. He’s more into my dog than me (that should tell me something).

A few months ago, in my note section on my phone, I wrote, “His daughter feels like a trigger, or maybe a threat.”

You see, it’s not his daughter that is my issue but his ex-wife.

Photo by Vidal Balielo Jr. on

Jack and his ex-wife (good lord, I hope he’s divorced)


When I was living with Jack, I told him from the very beginning that I wanted to be married and have another child.

I was very clear about what I wanted.

Long story short, that time living with him was a nightmare, and he was still in love with his ex-wife.

He denies it to this day, but I am no stupid woman. (or maybe I am)

We went through ups and downs. I took him back last year after I went through a hard time.

Even though Jack is trying to heal, he still doesn’t get me.

He still has not asked me to get married. He still doesn’t know when I am hurt, what I need, and He has no idea what foods I like or even what colour.

He did say the only place he had to live was at his mom’s, and he knows that is not happening. (yeah, F*ck NO !)

I can bet any money and know that if it were Reshma (ex-wife), he would ensure he had a proper place.

Gosh, I have gone off track.

Back to his kid.

When I see her, I see all the things I can’t have with her father.

I see that her father will only marry her mother, that her father will only have kids with her mother, and that I am just a bystander. I am just someone he fucks, and that’s it.

I don’t know, but I don’t care to spend any time with Jack’s daughter; I will feel like a fake.

I feel like she, as a young lady, deserves so much more than me, who is unhappy with her father and cannot find ways to love her.

In the past, I tried and almost got to the point where I think I was an excellent step-parent, but not so much now. I don’t want to be a stepparent; It’s not for me.

Photo by Lisa Fotios on

Here is another thing, I know women out there that love the person they are with, and they know that kid is part of the package and their love goes above and beyond. I admire these women, but I know now it comes with time, and it also comes naturally.

In my case, too much time has passed and it hasn’t come naturally.

Maybe I stood a chance in the past, but I don’t even love Jack like I once did in the past.

Too much time has gone by for me to be still stuck in the unknown of things.

As I finish writing this blog, It’s more apparent that I have to end things between us. Even he deserves someone who will want to be around his kid.


  1. It doesn’t seem like things are unknown. You just listed all of the ways you feel about the relationship and despite if they are true, you still feel these ways. You are responsible for the ways you feel so honor yourself without anyone else’s permission. If these are details of your relationship and they do not resemble what you desire then why are you prolonging the inevitable? I am not judging you in any way. I’ve stayed in toxic environments long overdue. But from those experiences, I learned a few things. What you need to do is believe him. That part stings although it has nothing to do with you. His loss. Cut your ties. And as long as you aren’t mean to his daughter, it’s all good. I’m sure she receives plenty of love elsewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh, what a difficult situation. There is no shame in not wanting to step parent. I understand. I wish you the wisdom and courage to do what is best for you. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you. I’m in no way mean to his daughter and love him and her enough to stay away as I’m not available to show them interest and love. She is truly loved else where for sure.
    Believe him…umm I needed to hear that and I know it’s like bitter medicine.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s