Today is day four of my YYT, and I am over it. I can’t be sure if it’s my depression or the mere fact that my spark for Yoga has not come back as yet.

My body hurts, and sure my cycle is on me too. OH, JOY.

In training, it is just the two of us. There is a guy from Toronto, and it is nice that someone from back home is here to do the training. He’s 50 years old and is extremely fit.

It’s excellent that this 50-year-old man is taking yoga teacher training; way to go, woohoo!

So now let’s move on to how out of shape my fat ass is now.

Due to my depression and my sulking at life, I have gained 15 lbs after I had lost 55lbs.

I tried just about every diet out there to end up with 163lbs at 5’3” tall.

I have no energy to do anything.

The weight gain is bothering me very severely.

MIRRORS

The yoga studio where I am doing my training has mirrors.

Let me tell you something if you have trouble with your body and feel insecure, don’t go to a yoga studio with mirrors. If you go to a yoga studio with mirrors and are not in tune with your body, you will spend all the time in your head wondering, “where did all this fat come from.”

You will call yourself unkind names, and a mirror can also be very triggering if you deal with body image issues and eating disorders.

My best advice is to ease yourself into it; maybe go to a workshop that has mirrors.

Mirrors can help you see yourself getting into a yoga pose, but they can also make you want to run very fast out of there.

HONESTY

In one of my classes, I was told to be honest with my future students, don’t pretend you know it all, and be honest.

Now, here’s my honesty with you, my readers.

I wouldn’t say I like it; my joy for yoga is gone, and in this world, being honest will not get you very far. Sometimes you have to lie; by that, I mean fake it.

That is what I have been doing for the past four days; I have been faking it. I have been showing up to my yoga training with no desire or love for yoga as I once did.

I still love what it gave me, and I will never change that. But that deep burning desire to teach yoga has gone.

I am not hoping for it to come back, but I am sitting in the class, waiting for when times up, trying to give it my best, even if that means pretending to be paying attention. (I am FAKING IT)

The hours are long, and I wonder why anyone would want to be sleep-deprived and unable to absorb information.

Why would teacher training be designed this way ?.

Money is why it is designed this way.

I have six weeks of this intense schedule and want to quit, but I won’t. I will challenge myself until I can’t anymore.

This training is sleep-deprived and out of my comfort zone, and I don’t care for it.

Have you ever fallen in love with something and then lost interest?