Seriously what am I thinking, Yoga Teacher Training at 39?

I know, right? I thought last year I was going overboard when I attempted my Yoga Teachers Training at 38, turns out I was not ready then, and now I am.

I am scared, nervous and excited all at once.

Ever hear that the Universe/God will give you the exact lesson you need to overcome your fear?

My lesson has to do with my age.

Honestly, I have no idea why I suddenly feel like I am a senior because I’ll be forty or that so much time has gone, and I have never done anything just for me; I have never lived my life on my terms.

One minute I feel like I am running out of time, and the next, I give up on even dreaming big or wanting a better life for myself.

Quitting on myself is easy; I have been doing it most of my life.

You might ask, “Out of all the things, why YOGA?”

For one, it’s cheaper than going to school to be a therapist.

I am the humblest person, full of gratitude for what Yoga brings into my life.

Sometimes I hesitate to get onto my mat for fear of what Yoga will show me.

Yoga happens on and off my mat, but I have a connection with being on my Yoga mat.

YOGA STORY

Each person’s story with Yoga is different.

For me, Yoga showed up when I needed it, and it showed me many different paths to my healing.

It was heartbreak and loss that got on me on my yoga mat.

I went from my prayer mat to my yoga mat, and to this day, I thank God for showing me what I am capable of when I do yoga.

My true super powers come out when I combine both my prayer mat and the yoga mat on days I don’t feel like I want to do anything at all.

YOGA no-more.

There was a time I got turned off from yoga, and since then, I have barely followed anyone on social media who does yoga.

Yoga is very sexualized on some Instagram posts and also very commercial-like.

Then there is a whole sort of Cultural appropriation that was going on, and being honest, I get and don’t get it if that makes any sense.

We are now too sensitive and calling out each other on everything.

I might go as far as to say this might be the worst time to train to be a yoga teacher, or maybe now might be a good time because you will learn more about what yoga is about than just doing cute poses and wearing Lululemon’s.

I’ll be honest; I don’t like the sexual half-naked part of yoga.

Spark of Joy

I am nowhere close to being prepared for this training regarding my body, and only this morning did I do a small yoga flow.

But I am reading and learning again about yoga.

 I can feel the spark of joy that comes with yoga coming back, and I have no intentions to follow anyone right now in the yoga circle as I don’t want that side of me to feel like I am not enough, not doing it properly, not skinny enough and not young enough.

I highly doubt I will make a career out of this, but then again, you never know. Maybe an idea will spark while training; maybe teaching small groups might be in the future.

But for right now, I need to get prepared with lack of sleep, train my body and put things in place, so I don’t muck it up.

I NEED YOUR HELP

Yes, you, my reader, I need your help.

Each teacher has to close their class with a signature saying.

I have to come up with mine and not use Namaste.

While studying yesterday, I learned that Namaste is used when you greet someone with the gesture of hands to the heart and a bow.

It is not used to end a class or say goodbye.

Did you know that ?.. I sure didn’t.

I have been trying to come up with a unique ending.

Here is what I have so far, and I want it to have a meaning because when I teach, I’ll be teaching from my soul.

“The shadow and light within me acknowledge and honour the shadow and light within you, Salam.”

“From my love of yoga to your, Salam/Thank you.”