In my last blog, “if diets don’t work, why am I always on one” You will know how frustrated I am with my weight loss.

I am trying to put this frown on the upside.

I WANT CONTROL OVER MY WEIGHT

I want to have control over my weight to know I am capable of doing something great; I feel like a dam failure in all the other areas that I want some control over my weight.

It’s not that easy, not is these days, it seems.

I learned that controlling your weight is much more than the weight itself. It’s mental health, learning and being educated about food and nutrition and unlearning old patterns that pack on the pounds, like snacking on processed foods.

I kid you not; I pretend I am a skinny B*tch when I sit down in my binging moments eating a whole pizza; I don’t know, thinking I am skinny helps me not feel guilty.

Honestly, I am getting older, and just like the drinking, I do not want to end up like my father and be obese and unhealthy.

I noticed the weight gain.

When you think no one is watching, think again.

Melissa

I adore my father, he is brilliant, and he is proud.

My father also has bad habits, like smoking, drinking and eating.

The other day, he came into the office and was not looking well. I get worried fast when it comes to him, but I also noticed something else about him this time.

I noticed the weight gain; I saw how he is now unable to move his body like a man his age should be able to; I noticed that his lighter feel, and he couldn’t bend down to pick it up.

I noticed that I asked him if he needed assistance in putting some boxes in his car because I feared that even a package would be too much for him.

He’s too winded too soon.

I returned to my desk, and I could feel my stomach turning into knots; then, I just exhaled.

“If he doesn’t control his health, he’s going to suffer,” I said silently.

“No, melissa,” I told myself.

“He’s already suffering.”……..

WAKE-UP CALL

This was my wake-up call; watching my dad’s current weight was a sign for me to get my shit together with my health.

People think that because you are overweight, that you are stubborn, that you are lazy, that you are not intelligent and that you are selfish.

The battle of the bulge is far more complicated than that.

It’s hard finding that inner strength at times.

The Biggest struggle in my weight loss journey has been my mental health. My depression gets the better side of me on most days; my lack of connecting to people leaves me feeling helpless and, at times, insignificant.

I can go from being very motivated to feeling like nothing has changed at all, and I give up; I don’t fight through the hard times all the time.

It’s hard finding that inner strength at times when all your body is capable of doing is laying in bed, crying or sleeping.

You think I have no control over my sweet tooth and junk food, and it’s not true.

When I feel the lowest in my mental health, I reach for the foods I crave, as a way of using them to cover up my pain. Like you would use a blanket on a cold night.

Maybe the dopamine hit from the french fries gives me an impact, so I stay with it. But my body hasn’t moved much, and I still need more than the french fries.

The fries turn into burgers, and you can’t stop at that; you also need desserts.

This is what it’s like, feeding my depression, then detoxing from my depression.

The detox is full of gut-friendly foods, anything and everything to undo what I just did in a short space of 2 days.

I will do well with exercising, meal planning and staying away from junk food for it all to fall apart.

I am not kind to myself when this happens, my inner chatter is nothing but cruel, and I wonder if this is my biggest problem of all the ways I speak to myself as if I am an insignificant human being.

 SERIOUSLY MEAL PREP, but I’m so LAZY!

I know for a fact that meal prep would not only save you money and time, but it will also help you stay on track with eating healthy foods.

So, here I go again, trying something that will help me with moods and weight.

So what is this new diet other than one that will allow me more free time and wiggle room for dessert?

INTERMITTENT FASTING

I have done intermittent fasting before, but not when I was cautiously carving out the windows to eat and be mindful of what I was eating.

When I did intermittent fasting, I was eating on the go; let’s face it, I am lazy, and cooking is not something I enjoy all the time.

Also, cooking for one is tricky; leftovers tend to get tossed out, and I get fed up quickly.

So here we go again on another diet or trend, and I hope I find a lifestyle that I can stick to.

I chose intermittent fasting because I am lazy at this time. It just makes sense to do intermitted fasting.

Eating this way gives me more time to do things like spinning, doing yoga, and watching TV with my dog. I am not counting any calories (thank GOD)

It’s been about one week, and I have already lost 3 lbs.

I have also noticed that salads taste good when hungry enough without any salad dressings.

I’ll keep you posted.

Current weight 164 lbs

Starting weight 167 lbs

Current Mood: I want my bed, blanket, dog and lots of books with warm drinks and biscuits (okay, not a mood, but daydream..lol)

Starting Mood: Screw this shit; I am never going to get it right.