Ramadan is on my calendar like clockwork, and I am nowhere near prepared. I have some severe anxiety at this time of the month.

I converted to Islam in Nov of 2016.

I feared this religion for many years, so I did what I knew best. I read tons of material on the faith and what they stand for, and most importantly, I needed to know my role as a woman.

In the west, we are bombarded with islamophobia.

I thought women were targets of violent crimes and had to be spiritually abused with having to share a husband.

I am happy to say that all my fears went entirely away when I did my research, reading, and interpretations. If I didn’t know something, I did multiple google searches.

Yes, it would help if you did multiple searching for Islam because they have much misleading information.

I joined Islam because of the Oma (community); having no family or friends, I needed a sense of belonging. Besides having a community, it was the one GOD concept.

Without getting too heavy on Literature, let me tell you why this Month is so important to me.

Oh, and I do not fast.

WHY DON’T I FAST

Most Muslims do fast during Ramadan, and it is not required to do so unless you are old, menstruating, pregnant and sick (unwell).

I do not fast because I have tried many times and felt sick, I also have a destructive menstrual cycle, so I choose not to fast.

I instead use my energy in Prayer and Meditation.

REFLECTION

For me, Ramadan is a time for me to get deeper into my Spirituality and have a closer relationship with my creator GOD/ALLAH.

I find I struggle in this area from time to time. I wonder how so many worldwide never question God and Never ask “WHY ME,” Instead, they have this intense faith and are willing to accept their fate.

On the other hand, I question so many things, and instead of fire of the LOVE from the Devine burning inside of me, I have lava inside of me, which feels like anger and confusion waiting to explode.

I use the month of Ramadan to get deeper into faith, pray and have more conversations with the Devine.

There is a part of me that so badly needs to surrender and put the logical mind to rest, that needs to let GOD take care of me and my needs.

TRANSFORMATION

I don’t expect to come out of this Holy Month of Ramadan transformed, but I expect my relationship with myself to be better, and I only hope that I surrender a bit more to LOVE and LIFE.

Transformation is not meant to be all at once; just a simple change in an old limiting belief is enough to make remarkable changes in one’s life.