Smoking is Not Sexy

Smoking is one thing I did that I will always regret.

Maybe you are lucky and never put one of those nasty things in your mouth, maybe you consider yourself lucky because you can smoke on occasions and don’t “need to have a smoke”. Either way, knowing how hard some smokers have it to quit smoking, might make you understand them and their need to smoke a cigarette a bit more.         

Photo by lilartsy on Pexels.com

WHY DID I QUIT SMOKING

I quit because I never wanted to start in the first place, I quit because it stuck and I stuck, I quit because I didn’t want my already enlarged pores on my face to get bigger, I quit because ageing is not glamorous as a smoker, I quit because my son asked me way too many times, I quit because the image of the women I was becoming was not a smoker, she simply did not smoke ciggies, she’s sexy and smoking is not sexy.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE ME TO QUIT

The honest answer is, the day I went looking for my next cigarette is the day deep down I wanted to quit.  I smoked my first cigarette at the age of 15, by the age of 17 I was a full-time smoker.

I didn’t smoke when I was pregnant and not even after that either, but when life got a bit on the rough side, I turned to cigarettes to comfort me. When I tried to stop it was hard. I made up excuses of why I needed to smoke, I told myself that I would quit every Monday for the past 11 years.

When I got really serious about quitting it took me a few failed attempts to finally get it right, I never gave up and sure I had some days I thought, I was destined to be a smoker all my life, some days I even told myself I liked to be a smoker because “I love the to smoke”

Guess who’s saving money NOW!!!!

WHAT METHODS DID I TRY

Oh my gosh, I think the only method I did not try was Hypno, wait maybe I tried to do Hypno on myself..lol.

I have tried to quit smoking using Nicotine Patches, Pills, Candy, Cold turkey, Books, Subliminal etc I even went to a dam tarot card reader for help (look, I was desperate just as my addiction to nicotine)

I went to the doctor when Covid hit and asked to be put on medication to stop smoking I had two doctors tell me there was no medication in the country to stop smoking.

Yeah, no medication to stop me from killing myself (smoking), but I can buy cigarettes and booze with no problem. Something is off here right ?.

Well, both doctors told me “don’t try to quit now, everyone is so stressed right now with covid, don’t have more stress in your life”. Okay then, clearly these doctors want me to continue to smoke.

They had a point, and the statics will show you that when the pandemic happened the rise in smoking and alcohol consumption went up, so did the rate of “ADDICTION”.

During the pandemic, I went from smoking around 6 a day to a pack a day. I was literally stinking of cigarettes, even I was grossed out by the way my hair smelled.

But

I didn’t give up.

It took me relapses and failed attempts to finally get it right.

Coming down to the months that lead me to stop smoking I was reading this one book about 5 times like I am not kidding with you here. Five fucking times!  

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WAS IT HARD TO QUIT

Yes, quitting is hard. Quitting anything takes guts, takes courage, takes bravery.

Want to know how I really quit smoking, What the game changer was for me ?.

What finally got me to stop smoking?

I had to look at myself as an addict. (say what now !)

ADDICTION was a word I avoided with myself, I never wanted to be tied to that word.

Yes, I have done so much reading on ADDICTION and Alcoholics I never once put myself and my smoking as an addiction. That was the game-changer for me

When I gave up drinking because I knew I didn’t want it in my life and it could of very well taken me into a world, where I would have been an addict, I cut that mother fucker out of my life fast, like really fast.

When I paid attention to the way my mind worked with smoking, I realized I was acting like an addict, I was looking for my next hit of nicotine. I made sure nothing got in the way of my smoking and if I was restricted I pretended I was okay until I was not and said “fuck it, I need a smoke”. Guilt and shame followed me just like any other addict and I walked around always feeling almost just right, almost okay, almost confident in who I was.

I heard someone say “if you want to quit a habit go on vacation”. I was going on vacation and months before my trip I had already told myself I was going to stop smoking. Perfect right, I was put in a situation where I could not smoke.

But, let me be honest here. When I went to Florida I could have smoked, but I didn’t because I had already conditioned my mind and told myself I was not going to smoke and smoking was not ever an option once I got on the flight.

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WHAT WORKS FOR ME MIGHT NOT WORK FOR YOU.

I think with any addiction, we cannot say one method is just right. We cannot say this book works all the time, we can only hope it does.

What I learned about my addiction to nicotine is that I had to try a lot of different ways to stop it. I had to recondition my mind about smoking. Just like drinking is promoted in movies, so is smoking. I had to stop making up excuses and be honest with MYSELF.

Being honest with yourself is the first step if you ask me. The second step is to visualize the person you want to be in a year from now and ask yourself “Is she a smoker”, then start acting like a non-smoker.

No matter the addiction, it’s hard as fuck at times, and when you make up your mind to quit, there is not going to be one thing in your way, even the ugly days that no one likes to speak about. You will show up for yourself.

Love Always,

Melissa

6 comments

  1. I understand all of this. I smoked for 30 years and only stopped recently. It is impossible to exaggerate how difficult it is. You are very brave and should be proud of yourself ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a crucial awakening, Melissa! I’m happy to say that I did not smoke before, and I never wish to. More people need to see this post. Smoking is an ugly and addictive habit, but the past is the past. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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