My love, all I ask of you today is hold space for me and I will try my best to return the favor, also make a cup of coffee please!!!


Jung stated the shadow to be the unknown dark side of the personality. According to Jung, the shadow, in being instinctive and irrational, is prone to psychological projection, in which a perceived personal inferiority is recognized as a perceived moral deficiency in someone else.

Recently I have reunited with an ex of mine. We’ve been together for the past 6 years and let’s just say it’s not been the easiest 6 years for both of us. 

I won’t get into the history but long story short a lot of pain was tossed around. Imagine playing hot potato with pain and you just keep tossing it back and forth. Another way to simplify it is, it was Toxic. 

When we got reunited this time around. it did feel different, because the conversations were different. We no longer tried to ignore each other, afraid we would get into a fight, we no longer let fights go on for weeks and he and I both got into therapy for ourselves to heal past trauma from childhood and old romantic relationship traumas we had.

I will not be including any information concerning my spouse’s trauma. I do feel it’s personal and I would like to show him that respect by not revealing anything he has not given me permission to. 

Photo by Min An on


Shadow work (healing past traumas and new ones) will leave you with a natural state of being, your natural state is LOVE. It’s also angry but in a healthy way. 

When two people come together to heal together it’s amazing what you can discover. 

When I started to do some healing work, I made some progress, but it wasn’t until I started to heal from the inside that I saw amazing results. 


Personal Development or Self-Help as some of you might know it, has a very demanding, push, hustle, do this , do that energy behind it. (very masculine). 

Self-Help will only get you so far. 

You see, when you have old limiting beliefs from the past and unhealed wounds from childhood/romantic relationships you have to make peace, add forgiveness, acknowledge that you might have been carrying weights that were not yours to carry. 

Think of it this way , imagine you have all this trauma, trigger or limiting beliefs in your body and they carry off a vibe. You walk around with a vibe or energy that looks like murky water.

Do you think all the push and hustle will make a difference ?. It might help a bit. You might get the job or the relationship but will you be able to keep it when you have the murky water vibe attached to you ?. No you won’t, that murky water vibe is like a repellent and will only push people and things away from you.

Now just imagine you attract someone with the same distorted vibe as you. Yeah, you’ll get into a toxic relationship, you’ll get lost , you’ll feel like shit and you will start to look like it too. Make no mistake the body knows how to dispense toxins and will speak to you to wake up and smell the shit show.

The best things my spouse and I have done for our relationship is working on ourselves and healing the past. We do this together and apart. We have come to learn that our past is ours and the other person might trigger us, but they are not that past person or experience. We have learned through shadow work to notice our triggers, reflect and come together in a more peaceful manner.

You’ll want to do your shadow work separately and as a couple.  

Photo by Shukhrat Umarov on

Why Shadow WORK ?

By healing the mother wound and father wound, we create a place for our inner child to be seen and taken care of, we become more secure adults with ourselves and the world. 

With shadow work, you will be able to acknowledge the difference between your childhood, and litiming false beliefs. With the awareness of your shadow side you can now have room to creat a loving conscious relationship. But it does come down to you and only you.

Do not expect anyone to do your healing for You.

LOVE is not in the arms of another it’s right inside you.

Conscious relationships are still triggering to an extent, but not to the extent where you lose yourself. Being in a partnership where two people are willing to do the WORK, you have lots of room for growth and play.

We see our spouses differently, it’s like seeing them with fresh new eyes. It’s also creating a new relationship for both of you.

It’s evolving with yourself and together as a couple. It’s ditching the stimas, the stereotypes, It’s ditching the toxic culture that we have been brought up to believe is the norm, it’s creating a better generation for ourselves and our offsprings.

Shadow work can be used by yourself, and in any other relationships you may have in your life. 

I have read lots of couples books and books on healing, but it’s when I got down to my own bull shit stories I was holding on to, is when I saw my world change. There is just somthing about when you start to allow your self to shine things fall into place.

It took my partner to loose me for him to see my vaule and I wish that wasn’t the case, but that experice got him into therphy for him self and when he started to do things for him self is when our relationship took a turn for the better.

I still have day’s where I wonder why he was such an asshole back then, and why now all of a sudden he wants to work on him self. But I take a step back and allow him to do his own healing work, his own shadow work. Now he’s actually speaking to me, not like before at all.

Realtionhsips take work that’s for sure, but so does most things we are passionate about.

I know that I didn’t give you a step to step guide of how to do shadow work, if that is something you like to more of let me know. 

Don’t think of your dark side as the enemy or BAD, because it’s not. Even Anger and Sadness serves its purpose. 

I can’t say for sure if this a relationship that will lead to marriage, but I am grateful that I am finally in a partnership where there is healing taking place and not more trauma added. 

How do you like to connect with your partner ?.