In last week’s post Benefits of Being Sober for a month, I showed you all my health benefits and some downsides. 

Being sober is not hard for me as it is for some people I know. Like my father. 

Some folks have a hard time. I mean gut ranching hard time staying sober from whatever causes them to have bad health,  bad relationships with others and themselves. 

I read a few more pages of The Realm Of the Hungry Ghost by Gabe Mate (I’ll go back to the book next year). 

I found something so sad with his patients, which makes me question so many things about my dad’s drinking. Like why he does it to the extent that he does. Why waste your life away like that ?.

I understand my questions concerning my father come from a lot of judgment and my wanting him to have a better life. But I know it’s F*cking hard and when I mean hard to break any addiction it’s hard. It’s not an easy walk in the park for most people. 

I don’t care if you are addicted to sugar, ciggs or shopping. Any addiction is hard to break. 

ADDICTION HAS LAYERS 

What I have become aware of in Sober Living Week 5 is that addiction has layers. 

The first time we use, the influence of family, the power of media and culture, the trauma we face growing up and all the heartbreaks that came along the way that told us “we were never going to be good enough.” 

Did you know when people experience a loss, they use Alcohol as a way to cope? It was at that moment that their addiction started. Maybe that is not the right way to put it, but an experience of loss can ignite obsession. 

We turn to Alcohol to not feel. Why do we do this ?. 

It’s a way for us NOT to sit with ourselves, let’s face it. Most of us never were allowed to show our hurt at home or in society.

The hurt, the pain it has to go somewhere right? 

We can lose a parent too soon, a heartbreak, a divorce, miscarriage, a lost job and we are expected to be F*cing warriors. We Warrior up, or so we think that is what we are doing by turning to things to fill a void, numb a constant chatter in our heads etc. 

We are not F*ck Ups because we drink, smoke, overindulge in foods, or gamble. We are F*cked Ups because we think we need to be perfect all the dam time.

We don’t need to be fragile aliens walking around exposing everything we feel. No that’s not it.

We need to expose ourselves to ourselves. 

So maybe the addiction started with feeling like you are not good enough, but who told you that and you believed them ?. 

We have to go back to the first layer of our addiction and rewrite our story from there. 

And if being sober means you work one layer at a time, then so be it.

Maybe I covered my pain for so long with other things to fill my void to hide my misguided layer of not being good enough in this world. Perhaps this time, I’ll dig deeper and rewrite my own story. One that’s good enough for me.

Have you ever been on the other side of addiction ?. Have you ever witnessed someone lose people or things by their addiction ?.