Turning 40 is scary

WHERE THE F@CK DID MY 30’S GO !!!

I am going to be 39 and I seem to be having some sort of midlife crises. Only it’s just me. I am not cheating on anyone, going after young men, and buying any type of convertible’s.

I am not recognizing myself, my vision has changed and I am seeing grey hairs.

I want to cry when I look in the mirror and realized I have aged, a whole fucking decade and I have no idea where the time went, it’s like it’s a fuckiinnngg trap.

 I tell myself this nightmare will be over and I will wake up soon enough.

Sure enough ! it’s not a nightmare it’s my fucking reality.

I am literally having cold sweats at night wondering how the hell am I going to save up enough money to pay for my nursing home, how am I going to send my son to university and still try to fight this world to have the life and dreams I have burning inside of me.

Money seems to be my biggest worry, somehow I am calculating in my head at night how much medical expresses I am going to have. I don’t know why I am doing this I am already assuming big medical bills.

Then it’s a home, where am I going to live, because if I have to live where I am living now, I might as well start back drinking or find a pill to knock me out for good.

I look at my hands and I have no clue where these fuckers called wrinkles come from. Then it’s arthritis.

I already have a mommy makeover on my to do list, but oh fuck they might charge me extra for aged loose skin.

My romantic life comes into play and I know I wasted my 30’s , but I thought that’s what my dam 20’s were for. When I think about my love life I get hopeless, and sad. Who’s going to want this old hag. I cannot compete with perky boobs, tight ass, and I stopped wearing stilettos ages ago. I wonder in my nightmare state am I ever going to find love in a society that’s telling me I am no longer hot because I am aging, but a man is a silver fox ?

Have we become a society that is so anti-aging that it’s just another by product of this stressful universe. I swear my parents never had it this hard in life when it came to aging. They took it like a champ and they look great.

Me on the other, I am overdue for Botox and really considering this filler business.

Do you feel pressured as a woman to look a certain way ?. are you comfortable in your skin and if the anwser is yes, how did you get there?.

Do you think it fair how sociality looks at women aging vs men aging?. I feel like its unfair.

I am seriouly having a day.

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