It’s the first holiday and you’re single.
Your heart still aches or maybe it just aches a bit more, because you are reminded that you don’t have your ex around, maybe the dreams you had this year got tarnished, and maybe it’s been a whole year but you still feel wounded.
You’re not alone in this, it might feel that way.
We have millions of people who are going through your agony. Some out loud and some in silence in this holiday season. Going through a break-up is hard!
Knowing that other people are going through the same as you doesn’t stop the pain. You’re in it, your head and heart are cloudy, you can’t seem to find a reasonable explanation why someone would just leave you the way they did.
During a time when families are getting together and couples doing couples things for Christmas and let’s not forget New Years., it’s going to be hard facing the world when your heart is broken to bits.
You are going to cry, so there is no point in trying to stop yourself, or you might shove those tears so far down that they will show up when you least expect it.
It’s called grieving hunnie, your feelings are normal.
THE GRIEVANCE CYCLE
In my blog post break-up acceptance, I showed you how my break- up was a hot mess and I went through the phases.
What I failed to mention was, you can cycle through these phases again and again, even though you have mentally come to terms and accepted the break-up for what it is.
Sometimes we take them back for a short time to be left and discarded again, or we bump into them and their new flame. Just about anything can get you back into the pain you felt after the break-up.
All ranges of emotions do their cycle again.
It’s common to grieve again during this time of year, it is a time of year when you crave connection and romantic partners the most.
You might think to yourself “I should be okay with just me, why do I even need a relationship, I am so pathetic, I feel alone”.
Hiding your feelings from yourself is the most damaging and easiest thing you can do to yourself. Yet confronting your emtions could be the very thing that is holding you back from your own healing.
Meet your feelings and accepting them without judgment would help you out so much more than pushing “ you” aside, it’s like finally taking tight shoes off after a long day.
There is no right order for your grievance, or how fast you are supposed to go through your own grief.
You have to remember you just lost someone you loved, it’s harder because your loss was not by death or maybe it was.
IT TAKES A SHIT LOAD OF TIME
Your body will crave them, your dreams are hunted by them, and you wish for more than anything for it to be all over.
If the relationship was toxic like mine was, then your body has just held on to new emotional trauma.
I think one of the best things my aunty ever said to me was “It’s going to hurt Melissa, there is no way to get around it, you have to go through it and you have to give it time and sometimes it takes a while”.
While I was at the peak of my break-up my life went up side down, I dropped out of Yoga Teacher Training, My depression got worse, and I spent every weekend in bed wondering how “BAD” can I be for someone to treat me that way and what on earth have I done to desrve so much pain in one lifetime.
I was lost, and my grieve had taken me so low down, that I couldn’t recognize myself. His harsh words towards me became my truth for a while.
I craved him in everything I did, and I wanted revenge so bad, but couldn’t risk looking like an ass or jail time. Thank God I still had standards..lol
I apreciated my Aunt being honest telling me like it really is and it’s going to fucking hurt like you wish your life was over kinda way.
I didn’t care for anything preachy when I was going through my break-up and by preachy I mean these fuck up things people tell you that make you feel worst you know “God is good, he will find someone for you”, “You are a beautiful woman, he’s doesn’t know what he lost’.
Look during that time I wanted to hear nothing to do with God and nothing to do with my appearance. For one, I was angry at God for my heart being in so much pain. Two, I was looking like someone just died for reals, nope scratch that I was looking like the dam cript keeper.
It’s going to be hard going through the Holiday Season Solo, but you can do this. It will be okay.
You miss them and you should, because they were a big part of your life. You are entitle to cry if you want. What you are not to do is blame your self.
Reach out to love ones should the feeling get to much or feel free to email me.