Suicide Awareness 

“You”, he said are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain”…….Emilie Autumn

My sister called me last week.

 “Hey, it’s one year since Robert died”

Robert a family friend to my sister and her husband committed suicide a year ago. I have never met Robert, only hear how much of an awesome man he was and a great father to 4 kids and a loving husband. 

Sure I heard that he suffered from mental illness and I spent hours on the phone with my sister after his death trying to help her understand. 

It never changed his rays of sunshine views of him, that he was always smiling and full of funny jokes. 

My sister got angry first, then she did research to find out why someone would kill themselves, take their own lives, commit suicide. 

Throughout the year, my sister would update me on Roberts family, how the kids were doing. How she was concerned for his eldest daughter, she was not taking the father passing lightly, I asked about the son who found him hanging in the garage. 

How does a child even get an image out of his mind like that ?. 

SATURDAY 15 MINS BEFORE  MY THERAPY

My sister called me this Saturday 15 mins before my own therapy.

“Hello”

“Hey, I need to tell you something”

“Okay, what’s up, I have therapy in a few”

“Roberts daughter just killed herself”

15-second silence. 

“Please tell me this is not true, you have to be fucking kidding me right now” 

Why do we do that, ask someone if they are joking when we hear unpleasant news ?. is it the balance of light and dark maybe. 

My sister told me she just wanted to tell someone, let someone know. I told her okay and hung up the phone. Tears were already forming. Before she hung up the phone, I said “Please tell me her name, what is her name” 

Emotions were coming at me, I was not expecting this news. I held my chest and before I knew it my hands were cradling my face while the tears just started to pour. 

I have never met this angel they called Miya (17 years old) before, just knew she was having a very hard time dealing with her father’s death. She was very close to him and he was very active in her everyday life. 

I said a prayer for Miya on my sofa before therapy.

FAILED SYSTEM

WE NEED MORE RESEARCH AND MORE AWARENESS, WE NEED SUPPORT FOR FAMILIES DEALING WITH SUICIDE GRIEF.

I remember when my sister was asking around for help for this teenage girl. Miya was on a waiting list to see a therapist. One provided by the Canadian Government I was told. 

Her father just killed himself, she’s saying that she needs help and wants it, but there’s a list. 

When I heard about the list, I reached out to a person I got to know on IG, She’s a yoga teacher and an advocate for raising awareness among the coloured community, I remember reaching out to her asking her if she knew anyone willing to see Miya or if there was another way Miya can get help. 

I was hoping this Yoga Community that is all so into helping and healing would be able to pull some strings, or know people. I am sure mentally ill people go to yoga classes. Actually I know they do , I even know that therapist go to them to.

The response I got back was something like “Oh is she coloured, what part of Ontario is she from”.. I remember getting that message and was so fucking furious. I couldn’t even read more and question what the fuck was this woman doing in yoga. What the fuck did it matter what race was the teenager I was trying to seek help for. 

In case you are wondering Miya is Caucasian, the yoga teacher I reached out to is of West Indian descent just like myself. 

THERAPY IS FOR THE PRIVILEGED 

I am not kidding when I tell you that getting help for your mental illness is going to cost you some serious bucks. 

Forget your public school system and guidance counsellors, they are just there to get a paycheck. To be fair they do have a few who are genuinely willing to help out. Seek the interest of the child. 

The last I had hear about Miya getting help was that she was on a waiting list to speak to a therapist. 

Again !!!

“are you fucking kidding me”

I thought it’s Canada with the best health care. Turns out Canada is not so great and is far behind in putting its citizen’s mental health care first. 

What pisses me off, even more, is that we are in a Pandemic. Can you just imagine what this child went through? The mental stress, the turmoil, the suffering. 

My Dear Lord!!! I am furious, and I want to tell Mr Trudeau that he needs to get his fucking act together because we are losing people all the time now due to mental health, that this covid has had impacted us on all. 

Suicide Hot Lines have been at its max, Mental Health Care professionals are burnt out during this time, then we have “The Therapist”, who are living the life of charging too much and caring too little. 

If you are anyone you know that is suffering from Mental Illness, having thoughts about suicide please reach out to someone who will listen. There is help out there, but you do have to go out there looking for it. 

Books on dealing with the grief of suicide. 

There is not much reading material out there for grieving suicide, just like grieving a break up or lost pet. Our society has given pity and grievance to a small number of people. And It makes me wonder if this is why our world is so sad and confused. No one is telling us what we feel is normal, they are just casting us away, because we don’t fit the “Deceased Husband to illness or accident”, or “Divorced after 5 years”. Shit, even miscarriages are made to be something to just get over. 

When are we going to stop this fucking madness already and know that we are all human and human pain and suffering is a real thing? 

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