I started these journal prompts on my own after failed attempts on keeping up with the NO CONTACT rule with Mr.Ex.
It didn’t matter what break-up book I was reading; I would always cave in on days 3-7. I didn’t think I ever made it past the 7-day mark with all my efforts. (EVENTUALLY I DID MAKE IT)
There were a few things at play here for me.
It hurts like hell. Being away from that person hurts like no other. Sometimes you don’t even know what hurts.
Emotional and physical withdrawal. Your body is going through things, and you have no idea what is going on. All you know is your breathing and the world no longer looks the same. That’s how it was for me.
Your world has changed, you are grieving and unfortunately, our world has not excepted the break-up as a loss. But you are grieving, make no mistake it’s Grief alright.
If you have abonnement wounds like myself. Your wound might have gotten activated if you never dealt with a past breakup or suppressed emotions. Now might be the time they come to the surface. Showing off like “here look at me, we are unresolved problems here to add to your shitty life and feelings”.
It’s not that I was weak-willed, not a strong woman or lack self-worth. But my break-up was hard. Even being on a healing journey, it was painful. The worst break-up of my life!
There was one thing I knew about dealing with my emotions, I had to let me come in, I had to sit with them. Even on days, it felt like I was sitting with an enemy.
I am a strong believer that every painful or challenging lesson we face, is a rebirth of something that only belongs to us. Sometimes your rebirth might be a promise to yourself, loved one, a new goal, hobby, new haircut, reading a new book. Whatever the rebirth is, it’s yours, the lesson is yours and so is the Miracle in the tears.
WHY 21 DAYS
They say (great mastermind of habit) that it takes 21 days to create a habit and 60-90 days to lose one. It would seem we need to lose the habit of wanting our ex, or not getting over the relationship right ?… Nope, not at all.
When a relationship ends, you have a choice to start working on yourself and what better way to start dealing with your emotion’s honesty. Bad or Good doesn’t matter all your emotions are valid and have a purpose.
We need a safe place to put these thoughts, and we also might want to be lazy about it too.
I love journaling, but for me I only had enough energy to come to the journal prompts I made for myself, write, and go to bed. As the days went by, I was doing more with my life like reading, yoga, meditation.
I also found that my relationship with my ex was not only draining me, but it also drained my family as well. They were fed up with hearing me complain, cry and in all honestly. The hurt was so much this time around, I had lost words and just wanted to be left alone.
At around Day 14 is when I started to look at things differently, started to be accountable for my part in the break-up. I didn’t get to this place by bliss or choice. I had some resistance, being in victim mode is much safer and somehow, I can protect myself more here but let face it. If we truly want to heal and benefit from a break-up; we must face ourselves honestly as well.
Consider this journal prompts your friend to come home to every day, a safe place to let it all out.
- · FEEL FREE TO PRINT OUT OR WRITE DOWN THE DAILY QUESTIONS IN A NOTEBOOK OF YOUR LIKING.
- · SET A REMINDER ON YOUR PHONE.
- · ASK YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO SAVE THE ENTRIES OR PUT THEM IN A FOLDER. YOU HAVE THE OPTION AT THE END OF THE 21 DAYS TO TOSS THE PAGES OR KEEP THEM.
- · BE HONEST WITH HOW YOU FEEL OR WHAT COMES UP FOR YOU.
- · I HAVE RECOMMENDED SOME BOOKS TO GO ALONG WITH THE 21 DAYS NO CONTACT.
- · THIS IS NOT MANIPULATION, YOU NEED THIS SPACE AND ROOM FOR CLARITY MORE THAN ANYTHING. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS IN HOPES OF GETTING ANYONE BACK.
- · PLAN A DATE WITH YOURSELF WITHIN THE 21 DAYS TIME FRAME.
- · THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO DO THIS.
- · IF YOU BREAK CONTACT WITHIN THE 21 DAYS, START OVER.
- · IF YOU HAVE KIDS TOGETHER KEEP THE CONTACT ABOUT THE KIDS.
- · BLOCK ALL FORMS OF CONTACT.
- · DO NOT CYBER STOCK, OR KEEP TABS ON EX.
- · RIP THE BANDAGE OFF AND GET TO WORKING ON YOU FOR YOU.
- · ***IF YOUR EMOTIONS ARE TOO INTENSE, PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP RIGHT AWAY***
- ON DAYS YOU FEEL GREAT JUST WRITE I FEEL GREAT OR SAY WHY. BUT MAKE SURE TO PUT IT ON PAPER THAT YOU FEEL GREAT.
- ON DAY 7, 14 AND 21 I WANT YOU TO WRITE A LITTLE NOTE TO YOURSELF ON YOUR PAGE. THESE PAGES SHOULD BE SET UP BEFORE YOU START YOUR 21 DAYS. YOUR NOTE TO YOUR SELF SHOULD BE ADDRESS TO YOU AND SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT.
Do Not Filter what comes on to your pages, healing the No Filter way will make you breathe a bit easier, stop trying to be perfect, life is messy, just let it be messy for a while.
DAY 1 – DAY 21
Did he/she contact you?. yes/no
Did you cry today? Yes/no (explain as much or as little as you can)
What emotions came up for you today?
Where in your body did you feel these emotions?
How did you overcome these emotions? (Breathwork, meditations, drinking, yoga, going for a walk) The point of this question is to get you to be more aware of your actions are you doing toxic numbing or awareness healing.
Why do you think this is so hard for you?
What memories are hurting you the most?
We all want to talk about Ex nonstop. But who really wants to hear about it right ?. If the person died we have family and friends stopping by with support, food and flowers. The phone would be ringing off the hook. People would actually check in on you.
Doesn’t work like that with a breakup, maybe family might call for a few days, then life goes on for everyone. You pretend you are okay, but life as you knew it just changed.
Write it out! Scream it OUT!
The pain and grief you experience from a break-up is real grief. Be gentle and Kind with yourself.