What a weekend right? Hoping you all had a great weekend filled with good food, and laughter. We are slowly approaching a change in the seasons, soon we will be counting down to a new year. I overthink around this time of year for sure!!!
I remembered today listening to a book called “This Is Me Letting You Go” by Heidi Priebe when I was going through my first breakup with Jack (Ex). There was a chapter on “morning text” that always stayed with me.
When people start to pull away from our lives, we miss certain things. Jack had no clue that a morning text was sending off a signal in my brain letting me know I was important. It was one of the things I looked forward to on good days and bad ones. Even if we were fighting, that text made me feel important and steady.
When I felt the empty mornings without receiving text messages from Jack, I started to text my sisters in the morning under our group chat. I have one sister who is 25 and she is single. I think about her when I send that text in the morning, then I think about the other two sisters, trying to be supermoms during these challenging times. I text them saying “Good Morning Beautiful”. If I was missing something I found a way to give it to someone else.
It feels good right, receiving a morning text.
I have one friend let’s call him Mr. Coffee, he’s really just a guy that sends me pictures of coffee. But when I was really down during the worst stages of my break up, that morning text with a picture of a coffee, made me miss the text message I use to get from Jack, but also shifted my mode, letting me know I am not all alone in this grand universe after all. It was like a mood shifter.
Who can you text in the morning ?. maybe a parent, friend, sibling, co-worker?
Just in case no one texts you today.
“I want you to know you are special, oh and have a fabulous good day…Love Melo”.
In John Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, he talks about making Daily Deposits, Weekly Deposits and Celebrating big and small wins. Events such as Birthdays, Anniversaries, Date Nights, etc. . Withdraws are when we turn against each other, take each other for granted. It’s important to have daily deposit in your romantic relationships.
The Daily Deposits would be like your good ole Morning Text
“Hey babes, good morning. Have a Great Day…xoxox”
“Hey, lover. Don’t worry about dinner tonight, it’s on me. See you soon….xoxox”
“Sexy, how is your day going ?..is that boss of yours still acting like an ass?.”
Having regular emotional, memorable deposits is essential in our romantic relationships. I would be so bold to say that it is so important, that it’s our safety net, the lifesaver in a marriage/relationship.
The whole point in having those deposits is also having a foundation to fall back on.
What happens if you neglect your partner, fail to invest time in your relationship, get lazy and the spice is gone ?. what if you slowly started to feel ignored or unappreciated. Then What?
You’ll feel like crap, you might go into blaming, you might stonewall, you might feel like calling it quits.
But if your relationships bank account was full, or had some savings in it, you wouldn’t just give up right?.
You would have memories to fall back on, you will send the text, cook that dinner because as much as he/she might be getting on your nerves, you’ve built a healthy account together. You have enough in there, that not only withdrawals can be made, but it doesn’t run out into overdraft. (meaning you have a foundation, memories, communication tools, and appreciation for your partner)
“PLEASE DON’T TAKE FROM YOUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU HAVEN’T MADE ANY DEPOSITS LATELY”…..MELO
Since becoming single, I reflect a lot. I want to be different, I want to love differently.
In my last post – Double Edge Sword, I was honest about learning things about myself that I was uncomfortable with.
But I tried, I still say to myself.
Now more than ever, do I realize the importance of honesty, respect, playfulness, date nights and communication in our RELATIONSHIPS.
I might not have a partner today to practice with, but I wanted to take John Gottman’s “Daily Deposits” and do it just for me.
If after all, the most important relationship we will ever have that is death do us part is the one we have with ourselves. Why not makes daily deposits with self-care, self-love, gratitude, date nights, prayer, mediation, yoga, bubble bath, etc. with ourselves.
If we can continue to make these deposits of love within our self, we might be able to handle life a bit better, maybe with a splash of grace.
MELO’s DAILY DEPOSIT
- – MEDITATION
- – PRAYER
- – DOUBLE WASH FACE AND USE FACIAL PRODUCTS
- – JOURNALING
- – SHOWER/MIRROR AFFIRMATIONS
- – YOGA
- – DRINK WATER
- – TEXT SISTERS (CONNECTION)
- – READING (FICTION FOR ESCAPE)
- – READING (NON FICTION, SO I DON’T FUCK UP MY LIFE AND I GENUINELY WANT TO CHANGE AND LOVE TO LEARN).
- – WATCH MUKBAGS (BECAUSE I CAN)
- – LISTEN TO INSPIRING PODCAST/YOUTUBE
- – EAT A WHOLESOME LUNCH
- – DAYDREAM (I AM A PISCES, IT’S IN MY DNA AND ALSO, I BELIEVE IN MANIFESTATIONS)
Not every day will I be able to get in all my Daily Deposits for myself, some days I might have to share my time with a friend, a family member, some days I might only have time for a few deposits. Either way, I will be filled up, my own personal self-care bank account will always be getting deposits because sometimes I or life might make a withdraw, and as fast as life might want to take, I need to give back to me.
What Daily Deposits do you do for your relationship or yourself ?.