Okay, so far this week is a bit bizarre.
I received an e-mail from Jack (ex) yesterday. I was a bit confused because the email he sent on Saturday was in an entirely different tone than this recent one.
I was taken back by the length of the email as he is not one with many words.
He apologized for hurting me, for not showing up for me when I needed him. He went into some detail about his past childhood experiences and how in certain situations he got triggered by me or the situation on hand.
I did, shed a few tears. I know the pain I went through, and I also knew how much it meant to me to have him with me, he was right when he said, “I gave up on you” because that is exactly what it felt like.
His email, had me thinking about men and their own healing journey.
We do have some men in the media that are setting a great example for young boys and men.
Names such as Jordon Peterson, Russel Brand, Lowis Howes, Rich Roll, Joe Rogan, Gabe Mate, and Jay Shetty. These are just a few names.
But are just a few celebrities enough to make a lasting impact on a system that has been dominated by a patriarchal order? that not only oppressed women but denied men of their feelings and emotional needs. (Sex with lots of women is not an emotional need, it’s actually a sign of suppressed emotions another form of numbing)
It’s not just this the system that told us what each gender should be like, Culture also has a big part to do with it as well. Here in Trinidad, they have more sleeping men than, they have WOKE men. Honestly what I see and hear down here is pure disgusting. (Anyways I’ll be off-topic if I ramble with this one)
Men hear “why are you crying for are you a girl”. Now, this statement will imply that emotions are for girls only and boys don’t ever cry.
“I don’t cook, that is a woman’s job, they belong in the kitchen”. Again, creative art has been labeled as an activity only for women (yet today we have more Male 5-star chefs than we have women).
It is also how they say these things that a child absorbs this information. Be careful with your words!
JACK I AM PROUD OF YOU
As much as Jack has hurt me, I am proud of him for taking the steps to heal himself. Jack is Emotionally Cut Off; any sign of stress and he shuts down completely. He is the classic Avoidant for sure. From what I have been reading so far, his actions are not wrong nor are they right, he has to find a balance that works for him and be willing to open up. It always did bother me how he couldn’t handle minor conflict.
Healing starts with one step: WANTING CHANGE
You got this Jack!!! Keep going and Keep Pushing.
WHAT CAN WOMEN DO?
We are daughters, sisters, partners, leaders, mothers, teachers, healers.
What can we do as women to make men feel more comfortable being vulnerable?
I always wanted to know how I could get my dad to speak to me more, maybe understand his pain when it comes to his addiction. I have done enough reading to know that it’s not only his divorce from my mother that caused his addiction, but it also goes deep into his childhood.
But my father is a very proud person until he has reached a level of drunkness and becomes excessively emotional. He stores up his emotions inside, then he has liquid courage to be vulnerable and an excuse for his emotional overload. I would have to assume this happens, because he’s not comfortable sharing as a sober person, that the protective self is there making sure he remains stoic as possible.
Jack: I wonder sometimes what I could have done differently to make him feel more comfortable being vulnerable, for him to feel safe expressing his emotions. In all honestly, I don’t think there was anything I could have done at the time, he wasn’t even aware of his pain, or why he shuts down.
So maybe we as women must bring awareness to them, maybe suggest a podcast, learn how to effectively communicate to them, and pray for them and their healing.
I have a son. I try my best to let him know that emotions are okay, loving yourself is most important above all else, that being kind will always be better than being mean, and being right is not the answer.
Men are wounded, damaged, and broken just like us women. But we tend to give those labels to only women. We both hurt, and we both need to heal.
I think it’s time that we support men on their healing journey, that we show up for proud moments, pray for them, forgive more, and let them go.
Maybe if our awareness shifts so can theirs.
It might take us years before we have most of the populations running on conscious relationships, rather than toxic survival relationships. It will be years before we have men respecting women, it will be years when women/men can feel safe, seen and heard, it will take years to raise proper men and women. And if we keep this activated healing going on we will a great world for future generations.
Before I forget, let me just remind you that Men taken action with their Mental Health/Healing is important. Statistics show that more men commit suicide then women do, it’s a fact that they naturally hold on to stress hormones longer then us women, especially if suppressing emotions is something they do to protect themselves.
Here are my recommendations for MEN getting into self-help/development and Healing.
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WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO TO ENCOURAGE MEN TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR MENTAL HEALTH ?.