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The void is in my heart, the longing to be with my son. To hold him, to hug him, to kiss him, to feed him. 

Zack fills my heart up with love that is unquestionable. I wonder why God hates me so much for a mother to endure such pain. I just miss him is all I keep saying. 

Due to the Pandemic, I haven’t been able to see him, he lives in Florida while I reside in Trinidad. It’s been nine years I hated my travel plans of moving here after my divorce. 

Last night, I sat there thinking about how an incredible human being my son is, how I am so blessed to have him. Still will all the knowing of my blessing my heart still hurts. 

I woke today at 4:45am and I can’t stop thinking of how much I miss him. I want to see him so badly that my heart has a constant pain. 

I want to be a mother to him in so many ways. 

While I was down in my darkness a few weeks back, it was him, his love, his laughter that got me out. It because of him I have so much strength today. 

I feel like my son does more for me then I do for him. 

One day I hope he knows that not a day went by that I didn’t miss him. 

He’s 13 years old now, last year in Junior High and soon he’ll be off to high school. He’s changing every time I speak with him. 

He’s more concerned about soccer and video games. The conversations are short and sometimes he forgets to call, because he’s a “busy” 13 year old. 

I hold on to my dream, that one day I will leave this place and be with him. That one day I will have him and do all his laundry, make dinner, go to his graduation. 

Someday, somehow, I will make it back to him. 

Zack, I love you to the moon and back. 

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