Seven Steps of Grief
1. Shock. Intense and sometimes paralyzing surprise at the loss.
2. Denial. Disbelief and the need to look for evidence to confirm the loss.
3. Anger and Frustration. A mix between acknowledgment that some things have changed and anger toward this change.
4. Depression. Lack of energy and intense sadness.
5. Testing. Experiment with the new situation to discover what it actually means in your life.
6. Decision. Rising optimism about learning how to manage the new situation.
7. Integration. Acceptance of the new reality, reflection on what you learned, and stepping out in the world as a renewed person.
Going through the stages
It’s safe to say, that today I have finally Accepted my break-up with Jack. It has taken months for me to get here.
Was it painful, absolutely!
I have been through the dark night of the soul more times I’d like to admit.
I have been in denial, thinking this wasn’t my reality looking for something to confirm I was all wrong. My mind was racing, the thoughts control me and my body.
I became so desperate at the end, that I stooped to my lowest and begged him to make things work. I was not at all classy in this situation. Sobbing like a fucking weak loser one might say, begging for the asshole to come back in and fix everything.
If you have been in the begging /bargaining phase, don’t be too hard on yourself. This might actually make you Chump up faster. When you realized that there is no deal to make with the devil. The Universe has better plans for you.
I got to this desperate stage because my core issues like abandonment, codependency, self-worth, inner child were exposed to the fullest. There was more going on besides my break-up, my inner-child needs healing.
I made the decision to feel everything. I allowed myself to listen to all my thoughts as loud and unpleasant as they were. I allowed myself my lows. I also allowed myself Pizza and Vodka.
After the feeling and the soul in pain that felt like I was just spiritually rapped. I needed a plan. After all, I was waking up every morning, I am still breathing, so I still have a purpose here.
Two things kept coming up as solutions for me at this time.
There were two books that I read, they both had the same message. Oddly enough I would have read these two books back-to-back. (What are the odds right)
Clearly, the Universe was giving me a sign towards my own healing and the steps needed for my journey moving forward.
HEALING IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER
Recently I joined a program online “Healing a Heartbreak” with Rising Women. I needed help understanding my pain, and why did I act so crazy. I had become a woman I don’t recognize and why was it still hurting with all the facts like he has drinking, weed, porn, cheap, cheater, non-provider, non-protected, emotionally abusive problem
I was walking around with a full list of all the things Jack did, said to me, and all the times he left me alone. But something in me still wanted him, still needed to be saved. At this point, the begging began, and then it hit me. I was choosing someone from my wound and not my worth.
ACCEPTANCE AND MOVING ON
With some new solid values in place. It has made it easy to get to my acceptance. For one Jack always knew that infidelity was a deal-breaker for me, so clearly, he wanted out. I don’t want to be with anyone who has a drinking/weed/porn problem. My dad is an alcoholic and that is enough for me to deal with. I have also decided that Alcohol is something I do not want in my life for me or anyone else. So, there is no more Vodka to pass the time alone and I will not be choosing partners who drink either.
I value Self Improvement. There is no shame in seeking help and wanting to become a better person.
I value someone who is going to hold space for me, someone who is going to be Conscious Partner with me in life.
I value myself, my self-worth, self-respect, self-love, self-care.
I value my son and family. My son is most important and I need someone who is a good example not a “MANCHILD”
I value that I am a mother, who will always miss her son no matter what day it is, I value compassion in my life.
Jack was not a good man to me and is not the ONE. I have accepted this truth. Today I am proud to say I am happily single.
Next year I’ll revisit my yoga teacher training. I have some travel plans coming up. I have a great support team. I have the most amazing sisters that will always have my back. The love and support I have been getting are beyond what I could have asked for.
The one thing I did differently this time around was, I was honest.
The pain was too much to handle. I reached out to Jack while I was sinking in the early stages, and he rejected me. So, when I decided to let go of him for good, I told my family the truth. I told them that no I am not okay, no I don’t want to pray, no I won’t stop crying, and yes I am in pain and don’t know what to do.
Last night I did not shed one tear. This morning, I woke up smiling knowing that GOD/Universe has my back. That I am okay and moving forward it only gets better.
I have an action plan with the program I am taking, so currently it’s Inner Child Work. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, check out these books for the journey to self. Just remember Healing is Messy, but you are so worth it!!!
If you want a no bull-shitter. Then this guy is for you. I also recommend this book even if you are coupled up. Look healing is messy as Fuck, and John does not hold back with his truth. He’s not brutal, but he’s the one that you will need letting you know to stick with your values.
You will get great Mindfulness tools, a new way of thinking and a gentleness you need moving forward.