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Racing Thoughts

My mind can seem to calm down and my body is now reacting. 

–       Losing sleep 

–       Night sweats 

–       Body ache 

–       Eating, not Eating 

–       Crying Unstoppable 

–       Chest Hurts 

–       Knee acting up again

–       Migraines

I want to throw up at times, feeling sick to my stomach. How could Jack cheat on me how could he have made all these promises to me to just dump me like that? I have a voice in my head telling me “I am BAD, NO GOOD, UGLY, FAT, NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT, NO ONE WANTS YOU, YOU’RE A LOSER FOR GIVING HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, LOOK HOW HE DISCARD YOU AGAIN, PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE ME, I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE ALONE.”

I’ve reached out to my therapist still awaiting her reply, I have reached out to family letting them know why I haven’t been myself lately.

 Nothing I do seems to be helping me out. I have all these questions in my head “who is she, where did they meet, is this why he stopped seeing me and broke off the engagement, how did he decide I was trash, how did he think it was okay to do this to me, why didn’t he love me enough, why is he so heartless, how come he told me to go kill my self ?. 

It’s like I am hearing people’s advice but I feel so misunderstood. One aunt told me I really need to work on my self-worth because the stuff Jack said and did to me was unkind and something about me thinks thats okay to be mistreated like that.

Apart of me is dying with this break-up. Apart of me feels dead already.