WHY DID I DECIDE TO BECOME A YOGA TEACHER IN MY LATE 30’S?
“Everyone’s Yoga Journey is different this is my Story”
I wasn’t fully practicing yoga until I was 35. At the age of 35 was when I went into a yoga class for the first time. My first practice would lead me to so many others.
Converting to Islam left me feeling Godless and full of anxiety. I was also at the time in a very full-blown toxic relationship with Mr. Ex. I felt so disconnected from my body mind and spirit.
There was something about Yoga that had me feeling connected. Even if it was 10 mins of feeling grounded, I was grateful for just a little spark of hope. When you feel helpless and seem to be carrying the world on your shoulders, there’s something about small inserts of light, that reaches your soul and restores your faith. I felt like each time I did yoga or sat in the Lotus Pose (sitting with legs cross) there was this invisible force holding my hand guiding me, a small whisper saying that I was not alone, that I was going on a journey, that it will be hard, but I was very much guided.
I must admit I did like the fashionable side of Yoga and liked saying “oh, I do yoga” as if somehow that made me cooler and rocking the spirituality badge like a BADASS. SHIT don’t judge everyone has an ego.
YOGA SAVED MY LIFE
At this stage in my life, my romantic relationship was coming to an end, everything inside of me was erupting like a volcano, my karmic relationship with Mr.Ex was now on the full force of exploding into every area of my life.When I say eruption was going on side of me it was no joke. I mean it was everything, from missing my son, grieving him (when will I see him again), regrets from my life, childhood pain I was carrying that was now coming into the light, shame I was living with my secret Nikah to Mr.Ex, my body was reacting with full-blown adult acne at this point as well.
I should mention that I was also on a weight loss journey, that had also stalled. But no matter how many deadlifts or cardio I did. I was still struggling on the inside.
My body and mind were never at ease.
YOGA AND MEDITATION
At this point in my journey, Yoga was still fresh in my mind as would be Meditation. I remembered my first-time “Letting Go”, I fell asleep in Shavasana.
Books started coming back into my life. I have always been a big reader, but I had stopped enjoying my hobbies in the past. I found myself now searching online for books on healing. It’s when I read “The Universe Has Your Back, by Gabrielle Bernstein’s”, that’s when I started to really try the mediation thing.
I sat on the floor with all the clouds hanging over my head and just went into it. For the first time, I would become a witness to old childhood resentment, my dislike, and the unnerving feeling I had with my connection to my mother. I was truly taken aback by this. Tears rolled down my face, my chest begins to tighten up, and I sat there and cried. The inner child in me was clearly in need of releasing and attention. What that mediation session did for me was pure GOLD. I say this because, that one session of awareness, lead to many more moments of unhidden wounds and golden gems about myself.
THE YOGA STUDIO BECAME MY SANCTUARY
On one trip back to my hometown (Toronto), I was newly single, still trying to figure out why my emotions were so loud with this break-up. I embraced my vacation with my son and family to the fullest. I purposely stayed some extra days in Toronto that Christmas. Usually, my son will meet me there; we spend the Holidays together and just as fast as he went on the Plane back to Florida, I would usually schedule my flight after his. Not allowing me a moment to absorb my sadness of seeing him go again to his father’s.
On this trip, I went into a Yoga Studio for the first time (MODO YOGA in Brampton). I wabbled, some guy watched me funny, but I felt no judgment. I was sweating in the middle of winter I came out of there feeling like I found a new home, I had found my next step.
One week after arriving back in Trinidad I joined a Yoga Studio. This was now my place to feel at home, my place of worshiping myself, my place where it was my time for me to get closer to pain and healing.
So this is it, I tend to ramble a bit, but this is my story of Pain, Letting Go, and Finding Me. Yoga has been such a big part of my journey. So with the Chatter still saying at times “You’re too old or too fat to be teaching Yoga”, I kindly shut it off. I know in my soul what yoga has done for me. It’s my love and gratitude that I have for YOGA that has led me to make the decision to do a 500hrs Yoga Teacher Training.
Wish me luck. I start in 3 days.