The best advice I can give anyone is to work on healing yourself before you get into another relationship.

When the right relationship comes along you can continue to do your healing work both together and individually. I rather do all the messy healing on my own, with the big tears, and mascara running down my face in private, thank you very much! 

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY 

Taking responsibility for your part of the breakup will guide you in the areas you need help in. Also, what areas did Mr.Ex fall short of, and why did you allow it? 

Do you know what attachment styles you have? 

What childhood wounds do you still carry?

What adult trauma have you not worked through? 

Do you act avoidant?

Do you come across Needy, Clingy, or panic if someone rejects you? 

Does the silent treatment hurt you more than other people you may know?

Do you push people away?

Do you hide your emotions to seem strong?

Do you love bomb?

Are you a people pleaser? 

Did you accept behaviours from Mr.Ex that felt uncomfortable? Did you make up excuses for him?

These are all valid questions to ask yourself. When you reflect on your childhood, these questions can open some hurt wounds and link the behaviours with a core belief.

 “You have to do the healing work.” We often feel we must fill in this void and move on to the next, only to find ourselves in the same type of shit. Same guy, different pants!

We are not perfect, and healing is not an ideal picture either. It takes time and patience with oneself. Can you imagine meeting someone and feeling more confident? Can you imagine going on a wrong date, and he rejected you, and you said: “Okay, thank you for being honest with me “(without taking it so personally or blaming yourself)?

It might seem like you will have to become a different person. In some ways, that is true, and it’s also very false. I look at it as being a better you, you that is meant to have the long-lasting relationships and life you always dreamed of. 

Healing is a journey. It never ends. There would be pain, healing, and so it goes. 

MELO

If you need help trying to find out what you might need help on, reaching out to a therapist is a good idea. SEE POST https://nofilterhealing.com/2021/07/16/the-benefits-of-a-break-up-getting-a-therapist/

BREAK-UPS LEAD US TO HEAL 

When I broke up with Mr. Ex. I remembered listening to Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer. I Couldn’t get enough; I was learning a new way of thinking. 

It’s when I asked myself, “What bothers me so much about the breakup? What am I furious at?” 

CHANGING YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF

Mr.Ex had kicked me out of the home we shared, without a care in the world and his family never treated me with the warmness they showed others, I felt they treated me different because they thought I was poor, and the manner My Ex kicked me out made me feel so worthless. I mean down to my birthdays he would say straight up “I am not buying you a gift, or I am not getting you a ring”. I started to feel like I was not worthy of these things. 

On the one hand, I had a list of things I wanted; on the other, I had a list of beliefs that didn’t match up with my desires. 

HEALING IS NOW YOUR MISSION 

I was on a mission to change my limiting beliefs. I changed “I am worthless” to “I am valuable.” I went on a rampage and stuck every affirmation that resonated with me all over my house. I took my MAC lipstick and wrote “I am enough” on all my mirrors. I couldn’t care less who came to visits and saw them, they were for me, and I was going to change my thought process one post-it note and printable affirmations at a time. 

This is one way I did healing; my other forms would include. I am getting books on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Marriage Books (I want a husband, but I also want a healthy relationship), Spiritual Books, Books on creating new habits and the subconscious mind, and Books that are more specific to my wounds such as codependency, abandonment, fearful attachment styles. I highly recommend books that ask you to do workbooks. Did I mention Yoga? Yoga saved my soul and life. 

WRITE TO HEAL 

Journaling is another way I let my thoughts out because let’s face it, we are not always going to be loved and light and say affirmations all the time. We will have bad days, and on bad days I find that writing out my feelings helps. I can also catch myself when the mind is going out of control and bring it back; I can step back and say, “Oh, it wants to go here…Yeah, no, Satan, not today”.

Doing plant medicine is on my list to try as a healing tool. There are many options to try, but the first step is trying. There is light; you must go and find it. 

GET A GOD! 

The last thing I will leave you with is to get a GOD, not some man in the sky with a beard, and get yourself connected to something that you consider a higher power. I don’t care if you call it Spirit, Source, Universe, or Infinite Spirit. Just get one, and it can be them.

If you belong to a religion that serves you, then keep it. The God I am talking about is the one that’s forgiving, kind, loving, and all these things are inside you. It’s your GPS Guidance system that is light and powerful. Having this will allow you to make it easy to surrender situations or things beyond your control. With faith, you have a sense of knowing that “Everything is always working out.”

You have space and time when you are single to work on yourself and do some healing work; why not do it now? This is a massive benefit if you ask me.

I will instead be healing than attracting the same shit I was before; I would rather be alone in recovery than in misery with someone else.

My time here on earth is far too sacred now, I have so much to teach my son, my future grandkids, and other women than to allow myself a life I settled for. Nope, not me! I will educate myself on my faults, forgive along the way, and make room for much more goodness.