The Benefits of a break-up
We don’t have to view Break-Ups as a bad thing, we don’t have to view the loss of anything as the worst thing that has happened to us. They can become the pathway to a new us.
I am sure you have come across someone who lost everything, to then gain only everything they ever wanted in life. Sometimes losing a relationship is a pivot to a new you, but better. (A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF)
Let me explain.
We can take a step back after a break and take a good look at what hurts, the parts we played in the relationship, the acceptance that he/she wasn’t the one. Within all these impactful steps after a break-up we can become new again, whole and complete individuals all on our own.
Here is why getting a therapist after a break can be a benefit and a huge step to healing.
I would tell everyone who has just been dumped or has ended a relationship. Watch out for signs if your emotions are now in line with depression. It hurts okay, being rejected, losing a relationship, it doesn’t matter if it was 6 months or 6 years, if you’re 23 or 58, that shit hurts so bad at times.
Is having a therapist a MUST?
No, not if you are okay, and you have been able to process things on your own in a healthy way. Healthy, being not turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, self-harm, or constant rumination. Not be able to move after some time, might mean that you feel stuck or it’s just taking a bit longer. You will know what is best for you as time goes by.
How Often do I see a Therapist ?.
I have decided to increase the time that I see my Therapist, I went from once a month to once a week. I made this choice for myself, and I knew my emotions were in the lines of deep depression, that I was thinking about self-harm, that I was literally breaking on the insides. I needed to be accountable for my part in the relationship and actions. I have a very deep-set core belief of Abandonment and Mistrust. As much as I knew my last relationship was over, there was no way I was going to get into another one without working on myself first. I don’t want to keep attracting the same lesson in these men that I meet. Over time I will go back to see her on a reduced schedule.
The goal is not to be completely healed but to be better.
What if you can’t afford a therapist?
There are so many books, podcasts, YouTube, Blogs out there written by therapists that you don’t have to see one. If you are self-aware and know what childhood or adult traumas you might be holding on to, then you can be your own therapist. There was a time I stopped therapy because I felt it was just making me feel worst and I didn’t like the person I was seeing. During that time while I was shopping around for a new Therapist, I did other things that were my therapy like exercise/yoga, journaling, meditation, and listing to podcasts.
Not all the time will “Talk Therapy work”, sometimes doing Yoga, Energy Work, Massage, Hair Cut can be our own form of having a therapist. Be kind and gentle with yourself every step of the way.
Please note that when dealing with Traumas such as Abuse, Rape, Death, it would be advised to seek professional help. Look into your community support groups or online support groups.
Another option to a therapist is a life coach, but is it just me, or are they now becoming a bit pricy as well. It is still an option.
Online and In-person Sessions
During the pandemic, online therapy has now become more popular. I myself see my Therapist via Zoom. It’s one hour once a week. I don’t like driving around looking for parking so being able to do Therapy from the comfort of my own home, makes me feel safe. My Ex is now seeing a therapist and he finds the in-person help him feel more connected and allows him to be totally transparent.
You can check out my blog post Break-Up Book Guide https://nofilterhealing.com/2021/07/12/break-up-book-guide/ for a list of books to help you get started. Feel free to reach out should you need help with any other books that might help you through this time.
Consider me your Break-Up Buddy.