You haven’t contacted Mr.Ex right! Good. I know the NO CONTACT is hard at first, but trust me it does get better with time. You better not be stalking him either, that’s just creepy. Fight the urge, you got this.
“Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want.”
Step two: Tools to get over a breakup.
You have a wonderful sister, best friend, or parent that would sit with you for an hour and let you talk about how you feel about Mr.Ex, but at some point, they do get tired and somehow when you’re talking if you do, the words don’t seem to come outright. It’s hard to explain all the emotions you are going through.
Journaling allows you to write down your feels out on paper, you prefer typing then go for it. But I would highly recommend writing it down. There is something very therapeutic when you use your hands to write. As you write the emotions will come up, you might cry and need to step back and that is okay. Just know that what you are feeling is totally normal. You are grieving a relationship and you will have to go through the emotions to come out of it a better person.
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together.”
Use your phone, or get yourself a weekly planner. Mr.Ex is gone, what do you do with your time?. How do you things now on your own ?. OMG “but I feel so alone”. It’s okay, hang in there.
Planning your days or weeks, helps you to be accountable to yourself. You are now building a new life.
Make a list of all the things you ever wanted to do or try. It can be as simple as getting your hair done or trying a new restaurant. Make a list of the hobbies you use to do or want to try. I highly recommend making a bucket list and add just keep adding to it.
Now look around you and see what needs to be done at home, have the laundry piled up, do the bed sheets need to be changed, when the last time you washed your hair ?. When you put a simple to-do list into your days and weeks, you have something to do, which helps take your mind off Mr.Ex it allows you to relax. Maybe right now you don’t want to be around people and I get that, but if you do have friends I would say reach out for a girl’s night.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
This is the begging of dating yourself and being single on purpose.
There are two things I recommend to people, its Books, and Yoga. Knowledge is power babe. You don’t have to have a master’s or doctorate to gain knowledge.
When picking out books ask yourself what are you in the mood for. Maybe no one can relate to the way your feeling after the breakup. Society will understand a Divorce or someone dying, but what if you and Mr.Ex were together for just a year or six months. Guess what you are going through the same emotions as someone who spent 10 years with their husband.
I would not jump into the books on finding love just as yet, do not replace Mr.Ex until you have your core values and you have done some healing. Trust me on this one, if you don’t forgive Mr.Ex for breaking your heart and still have not been accountable for your part in the break-up then you are going into the next relationship hurt and “Hurt people, hurt people”. Moving forward you want a healthy relationship with yourself first because that is who you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
They have tons of break-up books and on these pages, you won’t feel so alone. I recommend getting books written by a therapist. The books I read by therapists have helped me a great deal, they also come with lots of useful tools such as Mindfulness, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Meditation, Journaling, and Yoga.
One of the most complaints by women who have become single or have been single for some time is the feeling of loneliness. I know that feeling all so well. I live on an island with no family, no friends, and everyone I am close to living in either Canada or Florida.
When Mr.Ex and I broke up it was like my whole world came crashing down. I had to find a new way of living and I had to make silence my friend, I had to make myself a priority and best friend. Currently, I am in lockdown and I have already planned a date night with myself once they open back up the restaurants. It is a date night at home as in-house dining will still not be allowed, but I have a craving for some really good East Indian food. I will have candles lit, a movie to watch and I am going to enjoy the fact that I can eat and taste all the flavors while daydreaming of all the people and places I want to visit when the borders open up.
You are not alone in this. You will come out of this storm with compassion, love, and a new sense of life.