There comes a time in your journey that you fully surrender to a higher power or your higher self.
You get so fed up with life, of people, of work, everything. You pray to God, that there’s more to life than this one.
Then something strange happens and you get fed of your own bullshit, the lies you’ve been feeding yourself, the toxic relationships you keep, the pity party that is always just for one.
You wake up one day and you say “Fuck it, I surrender God, take over, or whoever it is you are up there or in here.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SURRENDER
I think I might have surrendered like 5 times or more during the last 6 years, and each time before I get to that point I am devastated, I am in distress, I am hopeless and my body feels lifeless.
You surrender a lot, a whole lot, because we are not perfect and surrendering takes practices and patients.
I can’t say if it’s prayer, meditation, yoga, or magic, that I have overcome all that life has thrown at my fucking face. I mean have you ever felt Bitch slap by the Universe ?. I have. It’s not nice or pretty and no amount of concealer can cover your pain, because somehow your body and face are letting it show full force that your soul has been in an accident.
WHAT CAME BEFORE I SURRENDERED
Your, Soul, feels like it’s gone, and your hanging on by one suicide thought, one more self harm, one more drink, one more hangover.
In the deep dark night, you can’t seem to feel anything but pain, that now has to turn into suffering.
You are sobbing on the floor with aches all over your body, you don’t know why it hurts you just know that it does. You start to breath harder..oh no another panic attack, then you are there crying harder than you have ever cried in your life or so it seems,
Where does it really hurt ?… “It’s my heart it just hurts”.
Then you sleep, because while you were on the floor you were praying for a Miracle, you were there pleading for your life. you don’t surrender at that point, you go back into bed, maybe you drink, or binge eats, or maybe the tears were enough to put you to sleep.
You sleep. You rest. You Pray. You Surrender